I have been away, I mean not blogging, because I went on my merry self and tried to sort out my life, but I guess time was no healer, but in my case, time gave me time to grow, to get stronger and to focus on me. Time gave me more perspective in terms of what I needed and what I want, and here I am, blogging again. It has been a while, from my initial discovery in 2018, until now, and now I have more to say…..

I have never had the opportunity to get closure on a lot of things from the past, he just never wanted to speak about things, and I have left things unsaid. I have moved on with all that in the unknown and really tried hard to look forward, to see the future, without looking back in the past, and I think in some ways I have been able to achieve that. I was not 100%, but I know in my heart that I tried, that I gave it my all, and this time, I need to look out for myself. I am not sure what this future will hold, but I will survive whatever will come my way.

So, I have a question for anyone out there: Do you see it as cheating when your husband sends a message via WhatsApp to a married lady telling her he loves her?

Well, let me explain!

So, my husband was preparing for a trip on Friday night, I helped him, pack and get everything ready for his trip. After all the packing he then took some photos of his packing art LOL and sent it off to a couple of guys. I then had to quickly get onto his phone as he wanted me to send something, when I noticed that the same photos were sent yet again to Lady 1. So, when I questioned him, he mentioned that he just shared it, because she wanted to know how he will transport everything. So, I left it, but it was a nagging kind of feeling. If you have read my post before, you will know that he works with Lady 1, so yes, she is still in the picture. Anyway, I left it and on Saturday morning off he went on his trip. Later during the day, he sent me a couple of photos of the trip with 4 heart emojis, so I returned it with a blowing kiss emoji and that was the last I heard from him until Sunday. So, Sunday, he sent me a single red heart emoji on WhatsApp, which I returned with a single purple heart emoji, then I told him to enjoy the day out,. He called me at around 10am to tell me that he is in the vicinity, and I started cooking something for lunch. So, he got home at around 4pm, and this is where the issue started….

So, let me explain the in between.

On Saturday Lady 1 was working, and obviously as you would have read by now my husband went on his trip. I was at home doing what I had to do, cleaning, working, and sorting out the things in our daily life. *DING* went my phone and I thought it might be information that I was waiting for, so I went to check, hmmmm some weird incoming message on email, but wait, this looks so familiar. So, I opened the email and there it is… A WhatsApp conversation between my husband and lady 1. It went like this: The same photos he sent me on Saturday he sent her, then a Single red heart Emoji, then another message saying Love you with a whole slew of hug emojis. She then replies with a Single red heart Emoji, and a Ditto with a kiss Emoji, then he sent her another photo, where she replies saying “Enjoy” with another kiss Emoji…

So back to when he returned home on Sunday.

He got home, we sat talking for a while about his trip and I told him the stuff that I had to email from his phone never came through, so he said I should just send it again. Picking up his phone, I went into his email and resent the messages. I gave him back his phone. And then my conversation started… continuing from this is where the issue started….

• Me: So did you send Lady 1 any more photos of your trip
• Him: No why would I do such a thing
• Me: I am just asking because you said that she wanted to know you’re safe and sound
• Him: No, I did not send her anything, I just sent her the photo on Friday night when we prepared
• Me: Can I see
• Him: “looking through his phone trying to find her name”
• Me: Just search her name
• Him: No that is not how I do it
• Me: “getting irritated” Just give me the phone so I can see
• Him: “hands me the phone”
• Me: Searching with her name, coming up on a cleaned-out chat history
• Me: So where did your messages go
• Him: I don’t know
• Me: You cleaned it out right because that is easier to delete all the messages instead of one message, so you don’t make a mistake right?
• Him: What do you mean
• Me: Did you not send her anything during the weekend
• Him: I promise you, I never communicated with her at all
• Me: “Got so angry” Walked up to my phone and showed him the screenshot, where he sent her the messages
• Him: I swear I never sent her anything, I don’t remember, I promise you, I don’t know where this come from
• Me: “Proud moment for me, to be honest, because my heart was racing my head was spinning in anger, but I stayed calm” Walking up to him while he is seated, putting my face right up to his looking him in the eyes, saying YOU ARE THE BIGGEST LIAR I EVER MET, and I truly hate you, I hate what you have done to me, but I am not going to get upset, I am not going to cry, because you have proven to me that you are not worth it.
• Me: I am done, You are not worth it, I am worth so much more that what you are able to give me. I want a divorce.

So again, I will ask – I have a question for anyone out there: Do you see it as cheating when your husband send messages via WhatsApp like I explained above, or am I just sensitive?

He got right up to my face, told me that the Love you means nothing, that it is a friendship Love you, not a Love you like he loves me, he did not mean that message the same as what his love is for me, he loves me, I am his everything, he will fight for me, he will not divorce me, he will do everything in his power to not let the divorce go through, I just stated that he can have everything, last time he was so greedy he wanted it all, this time, he can have it all as long as he just get out of my life. I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t want to see him, I want nothing from him, no reminder no nothing. I told him that I know that we recently bought a new home together (as part of the trying to move on), and that I will do my share to get it sold, I will stay until it is sold (as I don’t have another choice), but as soon as things are done, it will be bye, bye forever. I told him that I really wasted my life on him, that for the years I have been married to him, he cheated with about 5 Ladies that I know of and lies his way through life. I am just over it all. I just can’t continue life like this as I would lose myself in the process.

I had the longest night of my life, trying to sleep and not managing to shut my brain down, fell asleep at around 2am in our spare room…

But in this I have also taken a step forward, I have enrolled for some more studying, I am doing this with my sister-in-law, who actually convinced me that we should do it together and on Saturday we actually done the paperwork and payments and am awaiting our course material. I might have taken steps back in my marriage, but I am taking more steps forward for my own peace of mind and sanity… Loving me First!

Ending this with a reminder: If I asked you to name all the things that you love, how long would it take for you to name yourself? REMEMER YOURSELF, YOU ARE WORTH IT!