Divorce?

So while all of this is going down (everything I have blogged about before), in between all of this (the chaos I call life) the settlement agreement was drawn up by my Attorney, after the initial meeting we had (I must be honest that it took a while to get that done, I don’t really understand why it took so long, but I know that if she did it more at a pace he was asking for it would all have been done and dusted and we would have been divorced very quick). They kept sending the document for review and we provided input and confirmed changed and so on, and the final document for review were then sent for signature (that day was a heart-breaking day for me, to review the final settlement knowing that everything both of you have worked for in your marriage has now been divided / shared and it’s over, I received the document my heart stopped, stuttered and stopped again.) It felt like everything I knew was gone, just the fact that everything was documented in so much detail was just so much of a confirmation that it is all done, it also felt so unreal. It sounds easy to divide everything, but the day I sat in the attorneys’ offices I felt like crying and when I got this document I still felt like crying. Yes I know it is earthly belongings but it was also something we both worked for, and in my case some of it I was prepared to give up to make this divorce just go much quicker and smoother.

Look I know that I have contacted the attorney, but hell what was I supposed to do (he also asked that I do, and he also pushes me in a corner at times when she took too long to do specific things), but was I supposed to just live a life of lies and deceit… I couldn’t. Up until now he keeps saying to me that I overreacted and I wanted to change things too quickly for him it was so easy to save his marriage but he seems to forget that it was not just emails and someone telling me about his affair, it was his affair, the lies to try and hide it, the hurt he caused, everything. Yes and I got myself off his medical aid onto my own; yes I did get both of us to see the attorney and yes the document were now ready for signature but that is what he asked for as well. I didn’t do this just because I woke up feeling like it. He might not have wanted to actually go through with it (but he asked for the divorce, and he didn’t think that the details around the affair would be confirmed and that he would have to confess), but he was the one that asked me on 27 July that we file for a divorce. I merely executed what I was asked for. So 7 September mark the day – they day feedback from his side and signature was due on the settlement agreement to the Attorney.

On that day (7 September 2018) I sent him one message: “Good morning, if I may ask one last thing of you please. Could you please let me know if there is anything you will be changing on the settlement agreement and just let me know before you send her the final response so I am not taken off guard, I will appreciate it”  regards

You see – the feedback was due a week before this, but he responded to the attorney that he was busy at work and it was month end and that he would give his final feedback on the 7th. So this is how the day became the deadline date. (To me he said he needs this time to sort things out in his own head, he needs to make a decision)

He never responded to my message. I also didn’t know whether he read it, but I knew that I would find out sooner or later what was in store.

The day was busy at work and before I realised the time it was already time to go home. So off I went, worried that I have missed the feedback leading into a weekend, feeling unsure and ill-at-ease, but you know you need to pick your head up focus and move forward right…. Right! And then my phone rang, and I could see the name on the car monitor, it was him. So my world stopped. I needed to know, but I also didn’t want to have this conversation while I am stuck in traffic, trying to fight my way home, but I took the call.

Him:       Where are you?

Me:        Driving home from work, why?

Him:       Are you close to my office?

Me:        Not really, but I can come there if you want me to?

Him:       Please can you, I will appreciate it I need to speak to you?

Me:        Sure, I am on my way

I got there at around 18:30, so Lady 1 and Lady 2 was already gone. Not that at this stage I really cared whether they were there or not. It was just another day, it was just another waiting game, I was waiting for more lies and deceit, I was waiting for more pain and hurt, I was just surviving from the one day to the other, I was just riding the emotional wave, going under and trying to kick my way back up. So it wouldn’t have changed anything if they were there except for me having to see them, but they weren’t. Would it have mattered to them anyway, does anyone feel any guilt? On my arrival, I parked the car, got out and walked in. I sat at his desk and just blankly stared towards the wall (not a great place to be at, especially knowing that most of the affair things happened here). He wasn’t in his office. So I waited, and he came in, I just kept staring. So he sat down and as per his usual way of doing things he started to work on his computer. So I just sat there, staring, saying nothing, feeling empty, but also feeling like I am wasting my time. I didn’t think that there is any more to say

Him: (and this is not his exact words) – look I have asked the attorney to give me the week in order for me to take the week, review the document and sign, but during this week so much has happened and I have really taken the time to think through what I want and need in my life. I have screwed up, I know I have, but I want to ask you to forgive me. I have not intended to cause you so much heartache and I have seen what this has done to you, please I do not want the divorce.

And then everything came tumbling out…

 

What do you think, you’ve read it to now, you have your opinion, share with me

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2 thoughts on “Divorce?

  1. Now he has to come clean about everything, agree to your terms of reconciliation, and understand that your forgiveness is probably years away. He must fight to win your trust and he must be more dedicated than ever before. If he’s serious about staying married, he’s got to put in a hell of a lot of work.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reading your story you will know that I fully understand how you feel. Yes you can survive and make things better but…. there are two things for me
    Always have yourself because if you lose yourself you have nothing…
    And a rhetorical question: what do you want from the relationship and do you think he can give that to you.
    Like I said rhetorical.
    Hope this helps
    Moisy

    Liked by 1 person

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