The Mess Explained (July)

I don’t even know where to start explaining this flip flop of a mess, nor do I know how to even try and explain it with the emotions that is running through me. I am sure with time I will heal, and I am sure with time i will feel different about things, but I know for now I need to share this, because Now I feel it and I don’t want anyone reading this to think that the road is easy because I paint the picture, well for me it’s not, maybe for someone else it is much easier.

So Here We Go:

July 2018 – I don’t want to put out exact dates, but the month is important. This is the Birth month of my husband. On his birthday I took him out for supper after a hard day of work… but… never did I know that I was the only one working, that he was spending his birthday in a hotel bed in the arms of another married woman (this I only found out later…), but the day after his birthday, small rocks were slowly but surely falling… and soon it became a mudslide…

The day after his birthday, the day was just a normal day, both of us went to work, both of us did what we normally did (well now I know things were not as I saw them) but we went off to work that is the point. Later during the day, I received an email, and email detailing that my husband is lying to me and that I should be asking him about his lover, with 2 photos, but you could clearly see that the photos were tampered with, but I took it at face value and I contacted him. Now this was the photo of the 2nd lady (If you read the previous post you will know it was only a 2 month thing) anyway, as usual he never answered his phone, so I decided to send him a message. All I said is that I wanted to sort something out with him about a email I received and the fact that he doesn’t pick up well I will be coming over to his work to sort the thing out as I want to know what is happening between him and lady 2. Almost immediately my phone started ringing, he kept on telling me that there is nothing, he kept on telling me to not come, but I did. I arrived at his work and he was already waiting outside, he asked me to show him the evidence and I said that I didn’t have it with me (which I didn’t) he showered me a photo that someone took of them (him and lady 2, well it was actually lady 1 that took the photo as they all work together) and I said that it was not the photo. I said that I want to speak to her to find out what was happening, that I want to know, he kept on telling me that there is nothing, that he is so busy working he doesn’t have time for other woman etc, and I believed it and left it at that, but the more we talked, he admitted that he was talking to a lady he met 3 months ago, it is just a friendship and he enjoy the way she is talking with him, i accepted the fact that he is talking with someone but in the days to come it became clear that it was lies.

So there were so many emails that I have received, he received and lover lady 2 received. Through this all he manipulated, lied, cheated and belittled, let me tell you, yeah you might think I am bitter today, but I am much better today writing this post than what I was during that month. Anyway the emails didn’t stop and with all these emails it made me more and more suspicious. There were emails telling me to ask him about ladies underwear I got in one of his pockets to which he had an excuse (which I believed), then an email to tell me about the hotel bookings (which I called and got the evidence for), then emails to to let me know about flowers bought, perfumes, jewelry and so this list just grew. Who the person is, I don’t know, I know that my husband tried so badly to find the person, and I must be honest I am grateful for this person, but the details hurt. I kept on saying that it is Lady 1 that is jealous on Lady 2, or Lady 2 that want him to get rid of me, but he kept defending it, so I suppose I will never know, but with everything bought, I was the fool, I have been saving and helping him monthly, and that money bought hotel days and all the other things, so you can just imagine how I felt when this came out, especially because for so many years, he never even bought me a flower on my birthday, or anything small like a chocolate, but this is what he has done for them… Yeah it was a kick to the ribs, but all of this is revealed over time, but I thought to put it out here so I can continue with the daily things, I am scared I might miss something, and even with all the mails i did receive, he didn’t admit anything, he kept on lying and digging the hole deeper, only later on will he admit, and you will see the journey to it

In the beginning of the month, we went to see a social worker (Will explain later in posts), 7 days later (after the emails I confirmed) he slept with Lady 2 in a hotel, and then 10 days later he came home to ask me for a divorce.

Forward – towards to end of July (10 days after the Hotel day)

He left for work that morning as usual, now I knew things have been a bit tight since the middle of July, with all the emails and stuff coming out tension was running high in our home. We never really talk a lot during the day, but he always goes to work very early and come home late, but this specific day he came home much earlier than usual. It was a great opportunity for us to talked about everything that is happening and he asked me for a divorce (I must be honest I was expecting it because all these little validations via email made life really hard on both of us), but he said that he just wants the divorce to clear up the emails he said, he doesn’t know what is up with the emails and who wants what out of this and that he is scared that it will cost our jobs, so we need to get a divorce to stop this and then we live together so we don’t have to give up anything that we have and that we will still be able to support one another, but in my heart and gut something felt so wrong, it felt like something was up but obviously I didn’t know what, so I agreed we can get the divorce. He said that we lost our spark, and that he has been feeling it since the beginning of the year, this was a eye opener for me, because I felt that he has become distant, and every time I asked he would just say it was because of stress at work.  But now looking back he mentioned this year, he never said since 2015 or maybe earlier, as things will reveal much more than just 2 ladies.

What was I going to do, He was all I know, this life was all I know, but now I am loosing it.

The next day, he went out with the boys, he asked me to join him via a message much later and I joined them when they were sitting at a pub much later that day as I already had commitments, when he saw me for the day, I was dressed a bit different than usual, he immediately got up in my face telling me that the other girls have a problem with it, honestly, if anyone knows me, if you have a problem with what i wear come talk to me, why would you tell my husband and not me, but I spent the night with them all, drinking and dancing to music we selected, but eventually he was standing in the corner on his mobile talking to the girl (the girl he told me that he was talking to for 3 months – the lie), I felt embarrassed, as the other girls around me asked what he was doing so I walked up to him knowing he was talking to her, I greeted everyone nicely and left, he didn’t even walk me out, he never even cared. I went home, and went to bed, he came home very late the next morning, drunk as can be, early he had to get up to go out, and when he returned he laid on the bed as he was tired, he was laying there browsing the internet for quotes and sayings while I was making food, and just as any other night at around 19:30 he started talking to this girl, but our next day I decided to put a camera in the lounge. Pfff I know this is sad, I know it is sly, but I had to get the answers and I knew he was lying and kept lying, so while he was talking to the girl he said he met I recorded him. During this time I asked multiple times if this was the lady he met and he kept on saying yes, however I could confirm that this is the lady he works with Lady 2 and that yet again he was lying, but I asked him if the talks are still platonic and friendship with the girl, he confirmed yes, however the video footage showed clearly how he is sending her I love you messages and she returns it. (keep in mind both of them are married). So as I am looking at this footage while making food, he then put down his phone on the table, so I asked: So did you tell her Goodnight and say you love her, to which he replied Are you Crazy??? So I asked him if I know the girl, again he says no (but I do know her from work outings), So I lost my cool, I told him about the video footage, I told him that I knew who she was (so he knows I know she is married with 2 kids, I even know her husband) So he told me that there is nothing wrong to tell another lady that you love her. Apparently he is saying that to many people, one even says that to your siblings he said. He calls everyone lovey and sweets and that he doesn’t know what my problem is, so that night at around midnight he goes to the bathroom, and as he is in there, I open the door to find him on his phone with her, I walked to my phone and started calling her, but of cause she wouldn’t pick-up the phone, but she went offline for the nigh. I asked him to show me the messages between them, but he refused. I said I have been looking at both of their online status and that I know it it Lady 2, he was furious, but hey how the hell was I suppose to feel… and that was my month of July…

This is closing off July, July in a nutshell…

let me know was your better, can I do anything better, You want to hear more, or less???  Feedback is always welcome



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